The Edge

>.O

I hate it when I want to post, but I can't think up some kind of clever, witty title. Although, really, I tend to fail at both "clever" and "witty" -- no matter how much I wish the opposite were true -- so it shouldn't come as any big surprise. And yet, somehow, it always does come as a surprise. That little jolt of: "Wow. I'm a dork. And not at all clever or witty."

Ah. Life. You slay me in so many ways.

So, weekend of busy was ... well, busy. Kiddo had swimming lessons on Sunday. Hubby got stuck in Detroit on Thursday and Friday. Luckily, he made it home, but the travel delay forced him to work most of the weekend, leaving him feeling grumpy, frustrated, and all-around angry. Poor guy.

Saturday was fun!! Mainly because I got to sneak away for a little visit with kmktr. An afternoon of fangirl giggling, looking at cels, and watching Yu-gi-Oh -- which I've never really seen. But she has sworn it is her mission in life to convert me to this fandom. (Wouldn't be too hard, really. I liked the bit of manga that I read. I like the art style of the show. And I love her fanfiction and lucidscreamer's fanfiction for it. So, yeah -- I'm a soft sell. ^.~)

I have managed to catch kiddo's virus. She is feeling much better. Me -- not so much. I am achy and congested. Coughing. Sore throat. No voice. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Luckily, no fever, as that would make life totally unbearable.

I slammed the side of my hand against a basket in the kiddo's bathroom. (Accidentally, by the way -- 'yaknow, in case anyone was wondering >.O) It hurt like a sonuvabitch at the time I did it. It's been several days since this happened, but, if I even barely brush the point of impact against anything: waves of unimaginable pain. I'm beginning to think I cracked something. -.-"

Today's agenda contains: grocery store ... about five thousands loads of laundry ... cleaning the cat box ... cleaning the yard ... beginning the Great Office Cleanup of 2009.

I live such a life of glamor. Seriously -- it's just not fair to all the mere mortals out there who don't get to share in this joy. o_o

Has actually turned out not to be so bad. And, I was able to beg off on some of the "busy" in which I was supposed to be involved. That has helped my mental outlook somewhat.

Yesterday (Sunday), I ended up just telling my hubby that I didn't want to go to our friend's house for the afternoon. I like him and his family a lot, but I just didn't feel like I had the energy to be around people. I'm not sure how else to explain it, but I felt run-down and icky and all-around just bleh. Plus, we had our kiddo's friend coming in the late afternoon, which meant I would have no time to get the house ready for that. It ended up being OK. I thought hubby would be mad at me, but he wasn't. He was surprisingly understanding, which reminds me why I love him so -- and that I'm really lucky! ♥

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My (inner) Domestic Diva is quite pleased with herself. I made lunch for myself (from scratch) two days in a row now. *shock* Nothing super challenging: just a really nice scramble of eggs, some turkey, green onions, fresh spinach, and a little cheese. Simple, but really very good. Plus, I need to use the eggs. Somehow, I ended up with almost 3 dozen eggs in my fridge. I would have to live about a billion years to use that many eggs, so ... yeah, it's a challenge. I can't really figure out how this happened, although I suspect it has a lot to do with my parents' recent visit. My mom did some baking, so she probably got eggs for that -- not realizing we already had eggs. Then, the last time I went to the store, I bought eggs, too. Again, not realizing I had some in the fridge already. Anyhow, I'm on a mission to use some of these eggs. (Not an easy mission, as eggs are not my favorite food.) Plus, as soon as I mentioned it over the phone last night, my mom volunteered that it wasn't her fault. Which makes me suspect, even more, that she was responsible for at least one dozen.

Maybe I'll bake cookies or something. That would use up some of them, although baked goods usually go bad around here. We just don't eat them fast enough.

Tonight, I made chicken noodle soup for dinner. Hubby won't be home till around 7:30 or so, but I wanted to start ahead of time to make sure I got everything done. It doesn't take a super long time, but I have to cook when I'm in the mood to do it. Not sure if that makes sense or not, but it's the way I roll. Really, I'm doing well to be cooking at all. I've been making a concerted effort in the cooking department.

The rest of my Domestic Diva status is seriously in doubt at the moment. My house needs a good cleaning. Actually, it doesn't need cleaning so much as just straightening up. It's not really dirty, although I do need to vacuum. But, everyone in my family (including me, sadly) has a tendency toward cluttering. That kind of stuff piles up pretty quickly.

Sadly, I have not had the urge or mood or whatever to do much of anything this week. Part of it was just feeling icky and under the weather. But, part of it is a general feeling of malaise. I would almost call it laziness, but I think it's more than that. I can't summon up the energy or desire to do much of anything. I hope this passes soon. Bleh. I do have a lot of stuff to take to the donation place this weekend, though. We were supposed to take it last weekend, but it didn't work out. This weekend, it has to go. I'm tired of the bags sitting in my foyer.

Kiddo, hubby, and I all have allergies. But, my poor kiddo has them really badly right now. There's a lot of pollen in the air. Plus, it keeps raining, so that adds more gunk, once things dry out. And it has been windy. Woo Hoo -- Happy Spring. >.O

The damn mowers are back again today. I hate the mowers. Grrrrrr. At least they didn't block off our driveway this time, but I still hate them. I can hear my mother's voice in the back of my head right now, telling me that I don't really hate them. (She always did this to me as a kid, and, actually, she still does it to me now that I'm an adult -- like I don't know how I feel. Argle.) But, really ... yeah, I think I do.

On my way home from picking the kiddo up at school, I pass by a very busy little strip shopping center. It has a 7-11 and a cleaners, so there are always cars in and out of there. The street that I drive on has two driveways where cars can exit from the parking lot, both of them next to the 7-11. I always try to leave these driveways clear when I'm sitting there waiting for the light. Most other people do the same thing. Today, I pulled up close to the second driveway, but left some room in case anyone wanted to exit the parking lot -- or wanted to turn into the parking lot from the other direction. Then, out of nowhere, this man pulls his car into the space I had left! Like he had come from the back of the line of traffic to shove himself into that space, not only cutting me off but blocking off the driveway. How utterly and completely RUDE. I hope that guy had a flat tire later on. Stupid jerk. >:(

Kind of a random title today. But then, I'm in a random mood, I guess. Although I think moles are pretty cute. I probably wouldn't want to whack one for real. Then again, I've never had one tearing up my yard or anything like that. ( Read more... )

Ah, alliteration -- how I love thee. (OK, so I don't really. But only because you remind me of how uncreative I am when I get stuck after about three words or so.)

Let's see ...

I want to be writing. I need to be writing. And yet, I am not writing -- unless you count this silly blog entry that is probably going to make me look like an ADHD poster child.

I thought I would have the second Midroc book almost done by now. Instead, I have written a grand total of ... *insert drumroll* ... one paragraph. Uh, yeah. It's a great paragraph. It oughta be. I wrote it twenty times or so. Needless to say, I fail.

I need to finish my stupid NaNo fanfic/novel. I'm at the just past halfway phase, where I hate the story, can't remember why I ever started the story, can't believe I thought up such a stupid story, and can't figure out why it's worth finishing the story. On top of all the mid-story writer angst, I have to deal with pretty much a total reconstruction of my "world view" of the show as it applies to this story. This isn't a bad thing. It's something I wanted to do to challenge myself as a writer. But, it's the first time I've written in certain aspects of the characters' relationship with each other. And I have to admit, it changes things. I didn't think it would when I started this, but it really has.

I'm thinking about writing some short stories for my Midroc characters. It would be a fun way to get back into the swing of writing them, as well as letting me get to know them better. It's weird how I spent an entire novel with them and yet still feel I know almost nothing about them. Especially Tristyn. At the same time, I can't help feeling spending more time with Midroc is a total waste. It's the book no one will ever read. In my heart, I know this. I've asked several people to read it, and, in turn several people have asked to read it. But only one person has. I mean, people have read parts of it here and there, but apparently my story and characters have no staying power. Or there isn't enough to interest people. Or I can't manage to connect with people. Or something. I have no idea what. I alternate between feeling hurt over it and thinking I should do the smart thing and cut my losses on this particular story line. Move on to something new. Something that, maybe, will be interesting. I know there is more to Midroc. There is more story for it in my head. Just ... is it a colossal waste of time bothering to write it down? More and more, I am beginning to feel the answer to that question is "yes". It's a bad feeling.

This month is kind of my LJ anniversary. I signed up for my paid account for the first time in April, so I have to renew every April. But, in the process of renewing, I looked at my other stats and realized I actually created this journal in February of 2004. I mean ... wow! 5+ years. That surprises the heck out of me. In a good way.

A few months ago, my washer started going belly up. Shortly before that, my dishwasher had stopped working. The washer still works, but it has a leak. Ditto for the dishwasher, although its leak, basically, makes it unusable because it means my kitchen floods. Not pretty. I've been babying the washing machine along for several months now, hoping it would keep working. I have a little kid. I can't be without a washer. Anyhow, come Thursday, I will have a brand new, shiny washer, dryer, and dishwasher! I'm way more excited about this than I ever thought I could get over new appliances. It makes me feel old. But happy. New washer! New dryer! New dishwasher!! Yay for hubby's crazy business travel schedule and the CC points it wracked up. Thanks to that, we ended up paying about half what we would have. Plus, everything was on sale. With free delivery and installation. Yeah, I know. I'm showing my geekdom. Still ... eeee!

Today, I had to do the grocery store. I hate the grocery store, but I went to a new Harris Teeter not too far from my house. I have to admit, for a grocery store, it's really nice. I could even grow to like it. Maybe. o_o I got the grocery shopping done for the week, so that's a good thing.

I made French Onion Soup for dinner tonight. It's so time consuming, but it's also a really good, hearty soup. It was a little easier this time because I cut the onions and leeks and grated the cheese ahead of time. That cut down on my prep time, although the onions about killed me. I cry and cry when I cut onions -- to the point where, basically, I can't see. It's absolute torture. Thankfully, the soup was good, which made the effort worth it.

Tomorrow, I have to do a Target run. I don't want to because it's one of my volunteer days at my kiddo's school, and I wanted to use my free time in the morning to (hopefully)get some writing done. But, kiddo needs a few things, so ... off I go. At least Target is fun. I like that store.

I guess that's it. I'm sure there were other things, but darned if I remember what they were. >.O

I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I've decided to take the plunge, so to speak. About a year ago -- or maybe even two years ago now -- I decided to take my LJ totally private. Without going into a lot of boring detail, basically I was going through a really hard time. Several people who I thought were friends turned out not to be, and their actions toward me left me feeling hurt and unsure of who I could trust. At that time, I wasn't willing to have anything about my life out in the open. I guess feeling hurt and betrayed just made me want to curl inward and protect myself in any way I could.

But time has passed. The people who hurt me are no longer a part of my life. I've had no contact with them (and vice versa) for long enough that I think any links between us should be a thing of the past now, and I feel emotionally stronger. And so, I think it's time for me to try taking my LJ public again.

Not everything will be openly visible. Basically, anything that has no impact on my emotional well-being (like vacation posts ... any posts about books I've read ... cel gallery or website updates ... etc.) will now be public. Any posts dealing with my emotional state of mind, any ranty posts, and any emo-whiny posts will remain F-locked. I also post in-progress fanfiction on here, and those will remain locked and viewable only to a small group: basically those few folks who have contacted me and expressed an interest in reading in-progress fiction. Finished fiction will be open to the public. I usually post it on ff.net ... so why not keep it public here, too?

And, I guess that's it. Although I know it's silly of me, I feel nervous and unsure about this change. It's not like my life matters to anyone else but me. But that's the thing: my life matters to me. I'm really afraid of getting hurt again, but, at the same time, I'm tired of hiding because of a few people being jerks.

So, we'll see how it goes. O_O