The Edge

I want my office painted. I do. I really, really do. I hate the current wall color, which is way too pink-looking for my taste. I hated it the moment I saw it go up on the walls. And I have continued to hate it for the past 7 years. I have gotten to the point where, honestly, I don't feel I can live with it for even another minute. Seven years is a long time to live with something you despise.

I must keep reminding myself of this. Because, in spite of promises of assistance, I am sitting here trying to clear the office out all by my lonesome so that my dad can paint it for me when he comes up in a couple of days. So far, I have packed 5 boxes of stuff ... and I feel I haven't even made a dent in it. *sigh*

I have too many books. I love them all, and I've never truly felt it was possible to have "too many" books. But, looking around at this room, I realize I have a crap-ton of them. Yikes.

So ... I'm taking a deep breath. I'm reminding myself all this hell will be worth it, in the end. Because the new color will be beautiful. And I'll love it so, so, soooo much more. (Even if everyone in my family thinks I'm crazy for wanting to re-paint it. @_@) Once the walls are done ... the new desk and shelving are in ... the baseboards are touched up ... and I can, once more, sit in my space surrounded by my books and all the other things I love ... then I will feel like things are going just a little bit right in my corner of the universe. This will be a good thing. It will make all the suffering worth it.

...

Right?

Good news is that, in packing up some of the books, I ran across a Discworld novel I haven't read yet. Yay for new Pratchett! Woot! =D

Must clean house. And have absolutely no incentive or enthusiasm for this task. The more I think about how much I should do and need to do ... the less I want to do any of it. Talk about a vicious cycle. I have been trying to tackle small tasks here and there, though. So things aren't as bad as my mind says they are. I think I'm just ready for changes. And by "changes", I mean a huge, mega-spring cleaning sort of thing. But I know I'm not mentally ready or capable of doing it right now. I know I would get about a quarter of the way through and just walk away, leaving everything partially done. Which would be much worse than putting up with the frustrated feeling. It probably makes no sense, but thus is the hamster wheel of my brain at the moment. It's not pretty.

I grabbed some screencaps the other day, and I'm printing them out right now. I've had a creative urge recently, which is a good thing. Sadly, when I try to write, my brain remains a big blank -- not such a good thing. I thought I might try painting a bit. It's been a while since I did any fancels. I have one that's in-progress -- and has been for months now. Perhaps I'll finish that up. At least I could cross something off my "gotta finish that" list.

Had friends over for dinner tonight. I tried out a new recipe for potato soup. It was potato-cheese, with two kinds of cheese, carrots, and beer. I used Gruyere cheese and a Mexican cheddar blend I happened to have in the fridge. And added Shiner Bock beer to it. Topped it off with more shredded cheese and some chives. It was surprisingly easy to make, and it ended up tasting pretty darn good. I was quite pleased, overall. And I basked in the domestic goddess vibez. =D

I was in a fairly good mood today because I won an auction last night. I think, after you've collected anime art for a while, it's easy to become sort of jaded, in a way. I'm not sure how else to explain it. You still love the things you collect -- otherwise, why spend the money on them? But you don't always (or often, even) get those happy-sqweely-butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling with regard to art. But this particular auction, which was for a small lot of sketches, had a piece in it that I wanted in the worst way. I mean ... WANTED. In that happy-sqweely-butterflies-in-the-stomach way. I can't believe I won it for the opening bid, but I'm so, so happy about it. It was enough to put me in a pretty decent mood all day. Even with the currently cruddy exchange rate. >.O

I got additional supplies last week, so I should be able to finish up the rest of my Christmas cards sometime in the coming week. This would be good, because it would mean I'm actually ahead of the game on one thing. Heh. At this point, I'll take whatever I can get.

Hubby is coming home tomorrow. He's been gone for a week, visiting with his family in Vietnam. He emailed today to say he had landed in Seoul. He had a two-hour layover there, and then he heads off for the biggest leg of the trip. Fourteen hours from Seoul to our airport. Yikes! I'll be glad to see him, though.

And I finished up the first course of my meds today. They still make me feel ucky, overall, but at least I'm (hopefully) a third of the way through. I do think things are improving, overall ... so this is a good thing. And something to feel positive about.

Still in a bad mood, kinda mad, kinda hurt. It'll pass, but ... yeah, probably not today.

But (!!) I did some cleaning. I cleaned out the cabinet above my microwave. It's a much-neglected cabinet and had quite a few expired foody things in it. Tossed those. Although feeling guilty about the waste, I'm very happy with the feeling of just getting the old out of there! My microwave currently (until I decided exactly what to do with my kitchen and can afford to change it) sits on one of my countertops. I hate that, as my kitchen doesn't have a lot of counter space, to start with. The microwave had an extra bread box lying on top, where I kept a few cooking things: my onion chopper, a slicer, etc. Once I cleaned out the upper cabinet, I had plenty of room to put those cooking things in there. So the breadbox is gone from the microwave now. Whoopeee! You have no idea how much I HATED having that breadbox there. I had to move it every time I wanted to get my olive oil or any cooking oil, and it was a pain in the hoo-hah. I should have moved it a long time ago. Now the extra breadbox is on another counter -- in what would otherwise be dead space -- holding vitamins and stuff like that. So, I some clutter off a counter and hidden away and got rid of the dreaded/hated breadbox 'o' doom at the same time. WIN!!

A little bit of happiness peeking in around the corners of my grey mood. Yay.

So, my house has been driving me CraZy. And not in a good way, either. Just ... sometimes everything around me becomes "too much". Too much clutter. Too much here and too much there. Just, in general "too much". It probably doesn't make any sense, but I don't know how else to describe it. I live with messy people, and I'll be the first to admit that I am NOT a domestic goddess. Not by any stretch of the imagination. So, even though there are only three of us living here (well, three people, one cat, and one pin-headed dog), the house can tend to get cluttered up really quickly. Not to mention our rather severe dust situation, thanks to the afore-mentioned pin-headed dog. I pretty much despise straightening up and/or cleaning the house. It makes me feel surly and unappreciated because it takes freaking forever and no one ever notices. Or says thank you. Or even acts like they appreciate it. And it makes me feel discouraged and like my life is a futile struggle because I know the house isn't going to stay this way. Maybe for a day. Or two. Three, at the most. And then hubby and kiddo will stop putting their things away, and the vicious cycle will continue on -- swirling me right down the drain.

But, stuff gets to me, you know? I can only let things sit for so long before I HAVE to de-clutter and straighten and all that other jazz that goes into the whole "domestic goddess" thing. I guess that's another part of why I get so darn discouraged about the housework: because I seem to be the only person bothered by the clutter.

Anyhow, I reached my breaking point today. I just couldn't take it any more -- even though it meant basically giving up an entire day that should have been devoted to something else (like working on my stupid book ... argh!). The office was the worst. It got to the point where I couldn't even work in here. It was so cluttered that I couldn't sit here and think. My brain just wouldn't process past all the crap on the desks. I can't explain it: sometimes, I just need flat, relatively clean surfaces so that I can order my brain.

Today, I straightened and de-cluttered the family room, the master bedroom, the kiddo's room, the third-floor hallway, and the office. Including dusting -- which makes me particularly proud, because I abhor dusting. Hello, allergies from hell. >.O I put stuff away. I cleaned off desks. I cleared and straightened book shelves. I stored away stuffed animals. I filed paperwork. I got stuff ready to go to charity.

Yeah, it was a waste of an entire day. A day I could have -- and should have -- spent writing. But I am now sitting here in my office space and feeling SO FREAKING RELIEVED. I feel the same way when I walk into the master bedroom or through the upstairs hallway. So I think it was worth it.

Still lots to do, as always. It seems the housework is never truly "done". Yet another reason to hate it. I still need to do the bathrooms. And I wanted to vacuum, but I didn't get to that today. Maybe tomorrow. Bathrooms and vacuuming should only take about half a day. So, we'll see.

In other news, I'm feeling like crap warmed over. My Curse is upon me, and I hate my uterus right now. I had a hormone-induced migraine yesterday, which made thinking impossible. And breathing nearly impossible. I spent most of yesterday curled on the sofa, kind of wishing I could die so that I would feel better. Hubby's been out of town since Monday, so I haven't slept much in the past two days. I think I slept 4 hours on Monday night and two and a half last night. Oh, and my kiddo has strep throat ... so that's been so much NOT FUN. Poor little thing. I had planned on dropping her off at school this morning and then heading home to take a nap for an hour or two. But she woke up with a horrible sore throat, requiring a visit to the pediatrician's office. Then to the drug store for antibiotics. And then the rest of the day spent basically trying to make her feel as happy and comfortable as possible. My headache is slowly creeping back in on me, and, overall, I'm just not a happy camper. This could be why I broke down and cleaned. Maybe something about improving my mental health actually taking steps toward improving my physical health, too. I dunno. But I do feel more positive, in spite of physically feeling icky.

On the plus side, lack of sleep gave me plenty of time to watch old TV shows on DVD. I spent a very happy evening last night (and most of the early AM, too) watching Starsky & Hutch. I love that show. ♥

Oh, and I made quesadillas last night with my panini press. Turkey ones. They were yum, too. =D

Made brownies tonight. Sorta. *sigh*

I had promised the kiddo brownies last week. So, tonight, trying to make good on my promise, I got out my stuff and mixed and measured and all that. Everything went fine and dandy.

Except ...

I put them in a pan that was too small. So, instead of cooking them for 30 minutes, I had to cook them for 55 minutes. They are finally done, I think. And, by some miracle, the outside didn't burn -- although I'm kind of worried the edges will be too tough to chew once they cool. They puffed up really pretty on the outside edge, but they fell in the middle. So, basically, there's this little sort of square (because it's a square pan) dent in the middle of the brownies. Then, I had to check them so many times that part of the dent caved in in the middle -- you know, from poking it with toothpicks.

This is what I get for trying to do something like this when I'm tired and after a day of "family stuff": driving around for pictures, grocery store, taking the kiddo to the playground.

Still ... brownie failure. It's so not pretty. -.-"

No writing today. At least, not so far. *grumbles*

I made up my mind that I was going to change things for myself. Period. So, my new "schedule" was as follows: take the kiddo to school, come home and work out (every other day exercise = taking Fae walking), write. Then, after at least an hour or two writing, I could do other things: errands or whatever. The point being that I feel I need to treat writing as something more important. That way, the people around me will also treat it as important, eventually. Well, that's the plan, at least.

So, Monday and Tuesday, things went great.

Monday, I had to tutor ... so I did that, then headed off to Panera, where I got in two good, solid hours of writing. Then, I came home ... wrote a bit more until it was time to pick up the kiddo. And then even managed to do a smidge more that night. I can't really write much at night, generally, because it's too much of a rush with making dinner, getting the kiddo's bath and bed stuff done, and doing stuff like laundry, etc. Not to mention getting interrupted every ten minutes by either the kiddo or hubby. But I tried, at least.

Tuesday, I dropped off my kiddo at school. Then I went home and worked out (20 minutes on my Precor -- I'm starting small because I'm WAY out of shape). After that, I headed upstairs to my office, and wrote. I managed to get in a couple of hours, although it was kind of a slow writing day. I put in the effort, but didn't feel I had a ton to show for it. Eh. Some days are like that.

Today ... the plan kind of fell apart, mostly thanks to the stupid GS cookies. I am so, so, so ready for this thing to be DONE already. And my troop has really screwed things over. They've been switching and trading among themselves and only telling me after the fact, so it's been impossible to keep track of everything. I had been dreading trying to figure out the final accounting because I knew it was going to be a huge hassle. And so I had put it off and put it off and put it off and ... (well, you get the idea).

So, today I dropped the kiddo off at school, came home and took Fae for walkies. That was good. It was a pretty day, and we had a good time. She was even pretty well-behaved -- a little bit of a spaz, but, hey, this is Fae we're talking about here. What else could I expect? We walked for about 30-40 minutes. Then I came home and had some errands to do for hubby. I had to drop off his dry cleaning and pick up some medication he had forgotten at his doctor's office. And I grabbed some lunch while I was out. I came home, ate lunch, and started in on the cookie stuff.

zOMG ... Four hours later, I still wasn't all the way done. Seriously, this was such a mess trying to recreate what everyone had done with their cookies and their money. It took forever. And then it took forever to add up all the money I had and get it ready to take to the bank tomorrow. Once that is done, I have to go on the tracking website and update all of this crap. @_@ X_X

I finished the cookie stuff (including sending emails to people who haven't paid yet) just in time to make dinner. Headed downstairs and made kiddo's meal first. After that was done, I made dinner for myself and hubby. He was running late coming home, as usual. I made migas and fruit salad for dinner, though -- so it was pretty good! Lots of chopping, but it was worth it.

And now I'm sitting here on LJ. I just got kiddo out of the bath about 10 minutes ago, and she headed downstairs to watch one episode of the Backyardigans. After that, I'll put her to bed, and then I'll be "done" for the night. Well, not "done" done, as I'm still doing laundry. There is always laundry. And other house things. The never-ending job, I swear. >.O I was going to try and write, but I'm tired. And my brain is all foggy-feeling. I'm going to take a hot shower and then see how I feel. Maybe I'll manage to write before the day is totally over. *hopes*

My "Domestic Diva" adventures continue ...

Hmmm ... Maybe it's best to start at the beginning. Or, well, the most recent beginning, anyhow. So ... I started the week out already running at a deficit. Last week was weird for cooking and such because hubby had meetings on two or three nights. Which means that, instead of making my normal grocery store run, I avoided it like the plague and started the week out with pretty much nothing in the way of food in the house. I had just enough stuff to squeak by on Kiddo's lunch for thje week, but it was slim pickings. The fruit was going bad, cereal was running low, milk almost gone ... In short, the cupboard was bare.

Monday, I didn't have to cook. Tuesday, Kiddo and I got the flu shots. She was fine; I have felt like crap all week. Tuesday night, I managed to scrape enough stuff together for chicken noodle soup and biscuits, but it wasn't easy. Wednesday, Hubby had a meeting, so Kiddo asked for McDonalds. I gave in, mainly because we were out of milk, and I realized I could buy some there. (The girl at the drive thru gave me a strange look when I ordered 4 little bottles of milk.) Thursday, we decided to eat out. ( Read more... )

Nope. Still not updating about all the "other" stuff going on in my life. Still too frustrated over most of it (even though I know it's silly to feel that way -- bleh).

So, in the meantime, I'm going to natter away about something totally different, and equally as goofy. But at least I can pretend to be cheerful while doing it. That is a victory for me. =D

New Lines:

I did two more sets of lines last night. I managed to dig out my "old" (from back when I had my own darkroom) light box to work on these. I went to the art store and purchased a new box, thinking mine was going to be too large to work with. The new one ended up being too small, so I'll return it sometime later today. Probably. Anyhow, seeing the new one was too small, I decided I would go ahead and try the one I already had. I was pretty happy when it actually worked. It is kind of large. It takes up most of my desk space, once I shove my keyboard and mouse out of the way. But the cel fits on it easily. And its size makes it pretty stable -- as in the box isn't scooting around the desk while I'm turning the cel as I make the lines. All in all, a win-win situation, I think.

Having the light box helped with these, I think, but it's going to take me a while to get used to using it. I like how it makes most of the darker lines stand out better. But, where there's any shadowing at all, the lines are just as hard (if not harder, because the light deepens the shading a bit) to find and see. Ah well. Nothing to do but continue slogging ahead.

Yohji Attacking
Flower Shop Yohji

Kitchen Adventures:

Last night, I made jam-glazed chicken. I used apricot jam for it this time; I usually use peach. I've made it before, but never had it turn out exactly how I expected it to. My mom wanted to taste the recipe, though, so I decided to give it one more try. This time, I made it in a cast iron skillet. (I didn't know I had one, but my mom had, apparently, purchased it so that she could make cornbread when she visits. Makes me wonder what else is lurking around in my kitchen cabinets that I don't know about. o_o) I think the skillet made a huge difference. For the first time ever, the chicken came out perfectly. It was pretty and browned just right. And it was oh-so-tasty.

My inner domestic goddess is pleased.

Tonight, I'm making tortilla soup from scratch. We'll see how the goddess likes that. eeep!

You know how, in Princess Bride, the whole thing was not "to the death" but "to the pain"? Like when Wesley and Prince Bad-Guy-Whose-Name-I-Can-Never-Remember (even though I've seen the movie umpteen times >.O) fight, and Princie tells Wesley they will fight "to the death", but Wesley says no, he wants to fight "to the pain".

Yeah well, my saga 'o' shredding has turned out to be something like that.

( Read more... )