Knife to the Heart ...

[texchan]

So my daughter is dawdling over her breakfast this morning (of course, since she has to be at camp by 9 AM, as opposed to all the days when she has nowhere to be and eats quickly >.O). Every day that my mom was here, she would tell me about this HUGE breakfast she ate -- well, huge for her, anyhow: fruit, cereal, two cups of chocolate milk, yadda, yadda, yadda. This morning, though, it was a struggle to get her to eat even a part of a banana and a handful of cereal. In total frustration, I ask her: "Why do you eat so well when Nana is here, but this morning, you don't want to eat at all?"

Her reply: "Because I like Nana better than you."

zOMG. Knife, meet Heart.

It made me want to cry. Seriously. I had a hard time holding it together, but I managed. I was honest and told her that hurt my feelings, but that it was OK for her to feel that way.

And I can understand it. I mean, I have my own issues with my mom, but she is totally different with my daughter. She is fun and funny and just ... different.

Still, there was this little part of me ... this little kid inside my head screaming: "HOW COULD YOU LIKE HER MORE? YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE'S LIKE!!!"

*sigh*

Comments

[ladybuggington.livejournal.com]

*hugs*Kids almost always like their grandparents better when they're young, it's all of the love and attention with none of the rules and discipline. My grandparents spoiled the crap out of me when I was kid and I always wanted to spend more time with them than I did my parents. I much prefer talking to and spending time with my mom than I do with my grandparents now.

[tex-chan.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. My parents -- and especially my mom -- spoil my daughter. They don't enforce any of the rules, and they even "correct" me when I make my daughter do what's expected of her or act as she's supposed to. If left with only my parents, she would be a spoiled brat (literally!) in no time flat.

Hopefully, my daughter will enjoy spending time with me and talking to me as she gets older, too.

*HUGS*

[katanas-edge.livejournal.com]

wow that would of hurt me too! @_@

My oldest said something similar but different. more of "you don't love me". Don't ask what lead to that since it was something stupid and of him being so spoiled not getting his way opening his mouth like that and saying that. He felt bad later on saying it since he knows how much I love him and his brother and both kids I love the same. Both my kids know that, but my oldest son got his way a little to much when little and growing up so now he thinks he can get what he wants with trying to "manipulate" me. That's what you get from giving them what they want. ah well!!
But children always will say something hurtful to their parent when they hurt or want to get attention, or just for being kids.
Like your Mom just stayed for so long with you, your daughter is used to having a Nana paying attention to her and misses her Nana probably so that's why she didnt' eat and said that. Just be patient and just keep doing what you have been doing. Don't let that beat you! Just be a Mom ^_^

Don't feel bad, your daughter is young and of what I heard is that girls have more of a way of saying hurtful things like that then boys. >_<

*hugs*

[tex-chan.livejournal.com]

It was a hard and painful thing to hear, even though I tried to remind myself she doesn't totally mean it. I mean, I know she loves my mom, and that's a good thing. It's hard, sometimes, to separate out "being human" from "being a parent". The proper parental thing to do, I know, was to be OK with it ... but the human being inside of me just wants to be loved the best. I think I managed to hold it together OK, though. I hope. >.O

Awww, I'm so sorry you had something similar recently with your son. I know that had to hurt a lot, too. *hugs* At least he felt bad later on for saying it, and he realizes it's not true.

I think it's true that girls say hurtful things more than boys, just because I think that's the way girls learn to "fight" (for lack of a better word) in our society. Plus, they seem to develop language skills earlier. Even so, I was hoping I wouldn't have to hear something like this until her teenage years. *laughs*

EDIT: Ack! I knew I was forgetting something here! *HUGS* =D

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Well, firstly, you have to know that's not true.

I said ALL sorts of things to my own mom growing up. Didn't we all?

Plus, keep in mind Nana is most like not enforcing bedtimes, chores, homework etc. on a day to day basis like I assume you are. So the kid saying things like that would be understandable (but on a superficial level).

If you say something like, "You don't know what she's like" - be glad of it! You wouldn't really want her to, would you?

[tex-chan.livejournal.com]

Yes, this is true -- that I know it's not true, even if that might be how she feels at that particular moment in time. And I tried to remind myself of that. (I still cried a little, though, after I dropped her off at camp. I didn't want her to see me crying. =S)

And you're also totally right that Nana enforces none of the rules. Which is funny, considering how many rules there were when I was growing up. Now, though, she's all the fun with none of the consequences or responsibilities. I guess that's the way it's supposed to be with grandparents, although I have no personal experience with that. (I never had grandparents. Well, one grandmother on my dad's side, but she was not a very nice person -- definitely not one of those "bake-cookies-for-you-and-let-you-skip-bedtime" sorts of grannies. LOLz)

If you say something like, "You don't know what she's like" - be glad of it! You wouldn't really want her to, would you?

Absolutely True! I would never want my daughter to have the same type of relationship (which is rather strained) I have with my mom. That was one of the things I promised myself when I found out that I was going to have a child: that I would make sure my own child came to a relationship with my parents (and especially my mom) without that extra baggage. So that they could accept each other freely and establish their own way. So, really, I'm glad my daughter feels this way, because it proves that I've been able to keep my own feelings and uncertainties out of her relationship with Nana. And I'm glad that my daughter feels free to love her, you know? (Even if hearing it did make me cry a bit. >.O)

*GLOMS* =D

[genuinelie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it still has to be harsh to hear that, regardless.

I guess ust think of it as training for the teenage years O_O

*BIG BIG BIG HUGS*

[tex-chan.livejournal.com]

I guess just think of it as training for the teenage years

LOL!! I love that! I think it's exactly what I'm going to do, too. *gloms* =D

[steffannee.livejournal.com]

Aw. T_T I'd cry too. *hugs*

But like everyone else said, she doesn't mean it.

*more hugs*

[tex-chan.livejournal.com]

In my heart, I know she doesn't mean it, but it was hard to hear. Thanks for the hugs. *hugs back*

...

Aaaand ...

*GLOMS* (<-- for good measure =D)

[skyrat13.livejournal.com]

Aww. I remember saying a ton of stuff when I was really young that was pretty insensitive, and I didn't even really mean at the time, that I regreted when I was older and knew better. As lots of people said above, you know she didn't really mean it, but that's still a horrible thing to hear. ;__;

*hugs*

[tex-chan.livejournal.com]

I remember doing that kind of thing, too. And I tried to remember that, as well as trying to remind myself that it wasn't true and she didn't mean it -- even though I felt like someone had gouged my heart right out of my chest! >.O But I tried really hard not to make a big deal of it. I'm not sure if I succeeded in that, but I hope I did. I don't want my daughter to feel bad or guilty about loving her grandmother.

*hugs back*

[animerei.livejournal.com]

Ah, the blunt honesty and unintentional cruelty of children...


All kids love their grandma's more than their mom's. Because mom makes you DO things, while grandma typically does things for you.

Don't worry -- she'll grow out of it.

[tex-chan.livejournal.com]

Don't worry -- she'll grow out of it.

True, true. =)

[tai-meyer.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

[tex-chan.livejournal.com]

*HUGS back* =)

[metallijedi1.livejournal.com]

*bear hug*

I know it was pretty hard to hear those words, even
when you know she really doesn´t mean that.

I know you´ll have a very different relationship
with the chibi... I just know it´s going to be a much
healthy loving relationship than the one you have
with the boss-lady.

I can see the difference between a grandma and a mom
I see it with my mother... she was like a general
with us and with my nephews and nieces she´s so sweet and loving that sometimes I scratch my head and think
"is it the same person that raised me?".

Grandmas are cooler while growing up (sweet, nice and no rules), but mothers win when you get your first period (someday I´ll tell u my experience on the matter).

Just remember... the grandmas are nice because 1. the
one that has to dicipline the kid is not them. 2. they have interaction withthe grnd kids for a moment, not all day, every moth or every year..

*Bear hug*

[tex-chan.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. Hearing that almost broke my heart. It made me feel like a real loser, even though I know it's not true. And I know and understand why she would feel that way. Well, the "rational" part of my brain knows this. The emotional part was curled up in the corner crying. (lolz!)

Grandmas are cooler while growing up (sweet, nice and no rules), but mothers win when you get your first period (someday I´ll tell u my experience on the matter).

Heh. I was totally on my own when my first "monthly" hit. My mom gave me a book on human sexuality. Told me to read it ... and if I had any questions, we would discuss it. I kinda looked at the pictures and left it at that. As far as questions ... heh. No way was I going to go there. I either figured things out on my own or asked my dad. I was actually more comfortable talking to him, weird as that sounds.