Needless to say, I did manage to get my new Goo Goo Dolls CD last night. And, it's wonderful. Not that it would have to be that great for me to love it, considering how much I love this band's music. Uh, yeah ... I can be fairly pathetic in my enthusiasm for things that I like. And, when I like something -- really, really like it -- I do not lose interest easily. So, I suppose you could call me a "die hard fan", although I'm not the kind who knows stats and band info. and such. My head is normally too full of other things to keep that sort of information hanging around. Heck, I feel like I'm doing pretty well when I even know the names of the people in the bands I like. But, it doesn't mean my love for the music is any less genuine. At least, I don't think it does.
Anyhow, one song, in particular, on this album really gets me where I live. "Better Days". My gosh, but I love this song. It's so simple, and, yet ... somehow the combination of the lyrics and Johnny Rzeznik's vocals just bring me to tears every time I hear it. I posted the lyrics behind the cut, if anyone is interested in reading them.
( Read more... )I do not know what it is about this song, but it hits me to my very core. Johnny's voice is incredible, anyhow -- at least, I think so -- but, on this song, somehow, he sounds so ... tired. I guess that's the right word for it. Like he's so tired of the world and all the crap in it everyday -- all the hate, all the pain, all the fear. And, then, when he hits the chorus, I don't know ... the words are so damn strong. It's like he managed to find the strength to continue on, somehow. Somehow, the words in the chorus ... they almost sound like a prayer. Like, if I closed my eyes and tried really, really hard ... if I say them often enough, they will be true. The world will begin again, and we'll have a chance at not screwing it up this time. Or, if everyone in the world sang these words at the same time, and believed in them, they really could change the world. To me, there is that much emotion in there, that much feeling.
Yeah, I know. It's silly. I know it's silly. There's no way a song could change the world. That's what my "rational" mind tells me. But, at the same time, there is this lost little girl inside me who hopes and dreams that it could be true. I mean, why not? Words can change the world for the worse ... why not the better, right? What are words for, after all? How else can you express the things that you feel -- that, as humans, we all feel? Not just hate and fear and spite ... but love and joy and, most importantly, hope.
I guess that's the thing that makes this song so powerful to me -- hope. There was a reason that particular emotion was the one trapped in Pandora's box after everything else escaped into the world. If you have hope, you can keep on going. You can keep on struggling, each day, to make your life better ... to make the lives around you better, even if it's just in small ways. You can believe that things will get better, and, after being surrounded by so much negative ick in recent months, well, I think hope is a precious commodity, indeed.
The past several months have been bad, on a personal level, for me. My little family unit has been going through some stuff ... I don't really know how to describe it, other than saying it's a bunch of stuff that, in a million years, I wouldn't have thought would happen to us. Add onto that rising gas prices, the war in Iraq, the constant knowledge of all the hate in this world, and, really, things begin to look pretty damn bleak. I mean, for almost a year now, I've been making contingency plans in my mind. Stuff like: "if the worst happens, I'll do x" ... or "if
that happens, I can fall back on y". It is never a good feeling to do things like that. It's probably one of the worst feelings I could ever have, short of physically losing one of my family members. And, it sucks. It's ongoing ... I don't know when it'll end, and it sucks.
The thing is, you want to be safe, you know? I mean, I think that's human nature, isn't it? The need to be safe ... to feel loved, and like your world is "OK", like things will continue on just in this way that you like them, just in this way that you've come to take for granted. And, then, something happens that makes you realize: "Shit. I'm not safe. I was never safe. I'll never be safe." My gosh, but those are awful realizations. The kind of thing that takes you down to nothing -- strips everything away until you're left at the bottom of it all -- naked, vulnerable, and crying for what you feel you've lost. I have spent a lot of time in the past few months in that place. At times, I have wondered if I can ever make it back. Can I find the strength to go on? Can I find the strength to claw my way out of this awful place? Can I start again -- build my life up again? Because, it is hard. Sometimes, it seems like an impossible task, and it's a lot easier to stay in that dark place.
But, then, I'll look at my daughter. I'll watch her play, or hear her laugh, or see her little smile. Or, my husband will hold me. I will feel his arms around me, smell his scent as it envelops me, and for just an instant, I'll feel safe and warm and loved. And, I realize -- there is still hope. Hope for me. Hope for my family. Just so long as we keep on going. Just so long as we don't give up, and we keep on fighting, even if it's hard, even if we don't want to. So, if there's hope for my little corner of the universe, then, maybe ... just maybe, there is some for the rest of the world, too. I can't be the only person out here who carries a tiny shred of hope around inside me.
And, in the end, I suppose that's why this song touches me the way it does. Because the emotion behind the words, the feeling I hear in his voice, is real and immediate -- and it tells me I'm not alone. Other people have hope, too.
(Apologies to anyone reading this -- I know this was a very strange post. But I guess it was just something I needed to vent.)![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
