A Pretty Day ... and Stuff ...
Oct. 20th, 2006 03:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
texchanWow! It is GORGEOUS outside today. A bit windy, but just a beautiful day, overall. Heck, even the windiness is nice, since it's a sure sign of Fall's arrival. It has to be my favorite season. I love how the days become cooler. I love the way the leaves change colors. I even love how the days gradually become shorter and shorter. Especially after this summer. Maybe it's just me, but I felt like summer dragged on forever and a day. So, these first signs of fall are a welcome change. It's like the whole world was holding its breath and, now that the weathter has shifted, everything around us breathes a big sigh of relief. These are the days when it feels like anything is possible, when I can feel my spirit soar. It's one of the greatest feelings, ever.
Needless to say, I'll be out there enjoying the weather in about thirty minutes or so. I missed out on walking during the nice spring weather. There is some ongoing construction near us, which led to the builders tearing up the sidewalk that goes past there. So ... we were kind of stranded for the past few months, walking-wise. (Well, mostly because I'm too lazy to put the stroller in the car and go elsewhere to walk. *shame*) Now, though, the sidewalk is repaired and back open ... so no more excuses. So far, I've been out there on every nice day, and it's been great.
I hope I can keep it up, as it's one of the changes I need to make in my life. Hey, I'm not getting any younger, so, in addition to trying to eat better, I really need to get back into that "working out" groove. I feel like I just need to get back into shape. I've dawdled around for way too long over this already. I don't know why, really. Maybe a big part of it is fear -- that I'm afraid of trying because I'm afraid it won't happen for me -- that I won't be able to get back into shape the way I want to. The fear aspect becomes much keener for me in the face of discouragement from some of the people around me. Luckily, my hubby is totally supportive. But, I get a lot of negative feedback from my parents -- a lot of "reminding" that it might just be my lot in life to be fat, that I shouldn't expect anything to change because I'm getting older, blah, blah, blah.
That's another of those things I need to work on changing in my life -- being able to deal with that kind of negativity without letting it affect me so much. It's kind of hard to explain, but anyone who has ever had to deal with those types of attitudes understands how much it can drag you down. Way, way down.
And, speaking of way, way down ...
I had a bit of a disappointment recently. Something that has left me feeling hurt, a little bitter, and questioning my approach to the world and my own judgment. I found out a person I had thought of as a friend -- a close friend -- had told stories behind my back. It wasn't anything directly about me, but it involved me ... basically them telling someone else something I had said or done ... but I hadn't said or done any of the things my friend said. In fact, the entire incident never happened.
The thing is, I feel really, really disappointed. In this person I had believed was my friend, because they are not the person I believed them to be. I had believed, no matter what problems I might have with them at the moment and no matter how one-sided our friendship seems right now, that they were a good, kind, caring person underneath it all. I had believed the one-sidedness and other issues devolved from some really traumatic, difficult things my friend was going through at this time in their life. Now, though, in light of the new things I know, I'm having to rethink all of this. I'm having to come to terms with the fact that my friend is not going to change. This isn't just something they are "going through" ... and our friendship will, likely, remain very one-sided. Which is OK. I mean, a one-sided friendship is not a lot of fun, and it can be rather draining. But, as long as I know that, I can step back and put things into proper perspective. Proper perspective for me, that is. Still, on some level, it's very disappointing and, well, just sad when you realize someone is not who you thought they were.
And, I'm disappointed in myself, too. If pressed, I would have to say I'm more angry and disappointed in myself than anything. I'm usually a very good judge of character. I'm not often wrong about people, so, when I am wrong -- and so, so wrong, like I was this time -- well, I have to admit it makes me feel like a big fool. I know, no one can be right all the time ... but, even so, I tend to be hard on myself.
Anyhow ... that's it for my grumbly blah-blah. Now, I'm off for my walk! ^.^
Needless to say, I'll be out there enjoying the weather in about thirty minutes or so. I missed out on walking during the nice spring weather. There is some ongoing construction near us, which led to the builders tearing up the sidewalk that goes past there. So ... we were kind of stranded for the past few months, walking-wise. (Well, mostly because I'm too lazy to put the stroller in the car and go elsewhere to walk. *shame*) Now, though, the sidewalk is repaired and back open ... so no more excuses. So far, I've been out there on every nice day, and it's been great.
I hope I can keep it up, as it's one of the changes I need to make in my life. Hey, I'm not getting any younger, so, in addition to trying to eat better, I really need to get back into that "working out" groove. I feel like I just need to get back into shape. I've dawdled around for way too long over this already. I don't know why, really. Maybe a big part of it is fear -- that I'm afraid of trying because I'm afraid it won't happen for me -- that I won't be able to get back into shape the way I want to. The fear aspect becomes much keener for me in the face of discouragement from some of the people around me. Luckily, my hubby is totally supportive. But, I get a lot of negative feedback from my parents -- a lot of "reminding" that it might just be my lot in life to be fat, that I shouldn't expect anything to change because I'm getting older, blah, blah, blah.
That's another of those things I need to work on changing in my life -- being able to deal with that kind of negativity without letting it affect me so much. It's kind of hard to explain, but anyone who has ever had to deal with those types of attitudes understands how much it can drag you down. Way, way down.
And, speaking of way, way down ...
I had a bit of a disappointment recently. Something that has left me feeling hurt, a little bitter, and questioning my approach to the world and my own judgment. I found out a person I had thought of as a friend -- a close friend -- had told stories behind my back. It wasn't anything directly about me, but it involved me ... basically them telling someone else something I had said or done ... but I hadn't said or done any of the things my friend said. In fact, the entire incident never happened.
The thing is, I feel really, really disappointed. In this person I had believed was my friend, because they are not the person I believed them to be. I had believed, no matter what problems I might have with them at the moment and no matter how one-sided our friendship seems right now, that they were a good, kind, caring person underneath it all. I had believed the one-sidedness and other issues devolved from some really traumatic, difficult things my friend was going through at this time in their life. Now, though, in light of the new things I know, I'm having to rethink all of this. I'm having to come to terms with the fact that my friend is not going to change. This isn't just something they are "going through" ... and our friendship will, likely, remain very one-sided. Which is OK. I mean, a one-sided friendship is not a lot of fun, and it can be rather draining. But, as long as I know that, I can step back and put things into proper perspective. Proper perspective for me, that is. Still, on some level, it's very disappointing and, well, just sad when you realize someone is not who you thought they were.
And, I'm disappointed in myself, too. If pressed, I would have to say I'm more angry and disappointed in myself than anything. I'm usually a very good judge of character. I'm not often wrong about people, so, when I am wrong -- and so, so wrong, like I was this time -- well, I have to admit it makes me feel like a big fool. I know, no one can be right all the time ... but, even so, I tend to be hard on myself.
Anyhow ... that's it for my grumbly blah-blah. Now, I'm off for my walk! ^.^