Floating ...
May. 15th, 2009 09:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
texchanI know. Weird entry title. I totally lack any form of creativity right now, and I lack the ability to really analyze how I feel about things. Mostly, I feel ... empty and tired and maybe a little worn out. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I think that's pretty much how I feel. Like a big, empty sack of ... well, emptiness ... walking around on two legs. I look human. I sound human. But, right now, I don't really feel human.
Writing still sucks. Actually, it would have to improve to reach the state of being known as "suckage". I can not get inspired to do anything. At all. I started a Midroc side story. I like the story concept, and I think it could be fun. I also had an idea for another original short story today. And I still have the stupid NaNo fic 'o' DOOM that's ongoing. So, it's not for a lack of projects or ideas; yet, I can't seem to summon up the energy to deal with any of them. Everything just seems like too much work. I can feel this general sort of malaise settling around me, and, if I'm not careful, I'll be pulling it around myself like a blanket and using it to escape from the world before too long. Not a good thing. Not a good place to be, either.
Nothing new on hubby's grandfather. I think my sister-in-law (hubby's sister) was supposed to call him today with an update, but she didn't. We're kind of up in the air right now about what to do. It doesn't help that we are thousands of miles away from the rest of the family; it's not like we can get in the car and drive down. I think hubby wants to go down now to see his grandfather once more before he passes away, but his mother keeps telling him that there's no point in it because his grandfather doesn't recognize anyone. Still, I've been encouraging him to follow his heart. If he wants to go down there ... if it's important to him to see his grandfather one last time, I think he should do it. Because I'm worried he'll regret it forever if he doesn't. Just -- some regrets are too big to have to live with, you know? Especially when they can be solved or avoided with the cost of a plane ticket.
Overall, though, I don't really know what is the right thing to do. I've just been with him, you know? Just reminded him that we love him and we are here with him, so he's not alone. He doesn't really want to talk about it, so we haven't. Maybe, when he's ready he will. I hope.
We had horrible thunderstorms last night. All night long: blowing rain, thunder, lightning, high winds. A huge tree fell down near my kiddo's school; it was blocking the road this morning, so getting to school was a bit of a challenge. I hate seeing a big, beautiful tree fallen down like that, even though I know it was an act of nature. Still, it makes me a bit sad. Hopefully the people who own that particular house (where the tree was located) will plant a new tree once the mess is cleared away. Anyhow, this evening was really nice. It had been pretty humid for most of the day, but that kind of cleared out this evening. There was a nice breeze. We got back from eating and a little drive, and there was some daylight left, so I stayed outside for a bit and trimmed back my rosebushes in front of the house. They just got done with their first batch of blooms, so it was time to deadhead them a little. I also did a little weeding in the front flower bed, but there is more work to be done there. Lots more work. Thank goodness it's a small bed!
Hubby got a Bose stereo/speaker thingie for me for Mother's Day. It's one where I can hook my Ipod up to it, then use a remote control to scroll, etc. I've wanted one for a long time. He hooked it up for me tonight, and it works great! I'm thrilled to have it.
Hmmm ... I'm sure there was more I had to say, but I can't think of it right now. My head is killing me. I've had a horrible headache all day -- partly from tension and partly from all the stupid allergens in the air right now. I think I'm going to go take some headache meds and lie down. Probably time to call it a day. Perhaps I'll get a fresh start tomorrow -- with a better outlook on things, while I'm at it. =)
Writing still sucks. Actually, it would have to improve to reach the state of being known as "suckage". I can not get inspired to do anything. At all. I started a Midroc side story. I like the story concept, and I think it could be fun. I also had an idea for another original short story today. And I still have the stupid NaNo fic 'o' DOOM that's ongoing. So, it's not for a lack of projects or ideas; yet, I can't seem to summon up the energy to deal with any of them. Everything just seems like too much work. I can feel this general sort of malaise settling around me, and, if I'm not careful, I'll be pulling it around myself like a blanket and using it to escape from the world before too long. Not a good thing. Not a good place to be, either.
Nothing new on hubby's grandfather. I think my sister-in-law (hubby's sister) was supposed to call him today with an update, but she didn't. We're kind of up in the air right now about what to do. It doesn't help that we are thousands of miles away from the rest of the family; it's not like we can get in the car and drive down. I think hubby wants to go down now to see his grandfather once more before he passes away, but his mother keeps telling him that there's no point in it because his grandfather doesn't recognize anyone. Still, I've been encouraging him to follow his heart. If he wants to go down there ... if it's important to him to see his grandfather one last time, I think he should do it. Because I'm worried he'll regret it forever if he doesn't. Just -- some regrets are too big to have to live with, you know? Especially when they can be solved or avoided with the cost of a plane ticket.
Overall, though, I don't really know what is the right thing to do. I've just been with him, you know? Just reminded him that we love him and we are here with him, so he's not alone. He doesn't really want to talk about it, so we haven't. Maybe, when he's ready he will. I hope.
We had horrible thunderstorms last night. All night long: blowing rain, thunder, lightning, high winds. A huge tree fell down near my kiddo's school; it was blocking the road this morning, so getting to school was a bit of a challenge. I hate seeing a big, beautiful tree fallen down like that, even though I know it was an act of nature. Still, it makes me a bit sad. Hopefully the people who own that particular house (where the tree was located) will plant a new tree once the mess is cleared away. Anyhow, this evening was really nice. It had been pretty humid for most of the day, but that kind of cleared out this evening. There was a nice breeze. We got back from eating and a little drive, and there was some daylight left, so I stayed outside for a bit and trimmed back my rosebushes in front of the house. They just got done with their first batch of blooms, so it was time to deadhead them a little. I also did a little weeding in the front flower bed, but there is more work to be done there. Lots more work. Thank goodness it's a small bed!
Hubby got a Bose stereo/speaker thingie for me for Mother's Day. It's one where I can hook my Ipod up to it, then use a remote control to scroll, etc. I've wanted one for a long time. He hooked it up for me tonight, and it works great! I'm thrilled to have it.
Hmmm ... I'm sure there was more I had to say, but I can't think of it right now. My head is killing me. I've had a horrible headache all day -- partly from tension and partly from all the stupid allergens in the air right now. I think I'm going to go take some headache meds and lie down. Probably time to call it a day. Perhaps I'll get a fresh start tomorrow -- with a better outlook on things, while I'm at it. =)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-16 01:42 am (UTC)If I would of had a chance before I would of seen my grandfather before he died and my grandmother, but my grandfather was a surprise passing and my Mom told me as soon as she found out. My grandmother same thing. I was just nowhere near them and no way to go. Back with grandpa it was me to young and we went to memorial and funeral but I didn't want to see him dead so they went alone before and got me before the ceremony/memorial in church. With my grandmother I was just way to far away. I was in USA and she in Netherland. :( I sadly wouldn't of made it at all so my mom didn't tell me until after she passed on. I'm up to this day regretting not visiting my grandmother before we left Europe back in 2002. She passed away in 2004 at age 97 well amost she passed away one day before her birthday. Anyway it's a very long story and also something that I'm really passionate about. I wish I would of seen my grandpa in 1986 before he passed on and my grandma before we left Europe to move to the USA. :(
I do always remember my times spending with them. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents during school breaks ^_^
argh and there I started rambling >_< Sorry tex
I hope he makes his decision of what he wants to do, and also I hope you hear soon something from your sister-in-law
*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-16 01:58 pm (UTC)I kind of hope he decides to go, too. But it has to be his decision, in the end. I can only give my opinion, which I hate about this situation. I would like to fix things for him ... but I know I can't. *sigh*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-17 07:49 pm (UTC)Yeah that's best way to give an opinion and let him decide.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-16 04:52 am (UTC)*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-16 01:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-16 05:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-16 02:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-17 05:29 am (UTC)I know exactly how you feel with the whole emptiness thing... sadly its pretty much the majority of my time like that anymore. I put on the fakeness and then go about what I need to. But yeah, I just know how you feel. Know I'm here for you whenever you need to talk, rant, spread joy over something... whatever. Just drop an email my way.
I agree about your hubby going to his grandfather, its not a matter of if his grandfather knows hes there... but your hubby knowing his there for his grandfather. But I can also understand a want to not see him, and keeping a memory of him when he was happier and healthier. I know I was with my grandmother on her deathbed... her face still haunts me. Am I glad I was there with her, yes and no. I'm pretty sure I would be kicking myself for not being there... But, matters of the heart are never black and white.
Try and take care, hmm? *hugs again*