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texchanI have been in the grouchiest mood today. Really, on a hair trigger with snapping at everyone, even over the smallest things. Woke up with a sinus headache, which hung around all day until it turned into one of those screaming headaches that makes your hair hurt. And, of course, my daughter picks today to have a "chatty kathy" day. I love talking to her. I do it all the time. And I love hearing her stories and theories and thoughts on everything. Normally, it's the best part of my day. But not on a headache day.
(We also did her favorite restaurant for lunch, which was fine. Followed by an outing to her favorite toy store. Which was like a living hell -- not because my daughter was bad or anything; she wasn't. But because I couldn't WAIT TO GET THE FRAK OUTTA THERE. This made me feel like a failure as a human being and did nothing to improve my headache or mood.)
Bleh.
Now, I've finally tucked her into bed -- after what feels like the longest frakkin' day in the history of EVER. And I know I rushed out of her room. No bedtime story. No joking around or talking about the day or deciding what kind of dreams she should have. Just a kiss, and "I love you", and "Sleep Well. Come get me if you need me." Because I just didn't have it in me to be nice any more. Or to listen any more. Or to think any more. I just wanted to be finished so that I could shower and go to bed and read a little. And, hopefully, go to sleep so that I can wake up tomorrow with no headache.
Geez. I am a bad person, aren't I? And a terrible mother. My daughter will likely get to tell all about this in therapy later on: "And when I was five, almost six, my mom tucked me into bed. And she couldn't get out of the room fast enough. Why? Did I smell?"
Double bleh.
And now I realize I still need to wash her swimsuit for water day at camp tomorrow. I just put it and the towel in the washer, and I'm sitting here at my desk wondering if I could master that whole Jedi Mind Trick thing enough to make the washer work through its cycle faster. Because, even though I know it makes me a pathetic individual and a bad person, I want to be fucking done for today. Particularly because I know I have to get up tomorrow and do the whole thing all over again. This is my punishment, isn't it? *sigh*
Triple bleh.
Now, off to shower, where, hopefully, the hot water won't have run out of control. Yesterday, I nearly scalded myself. Talk about incentive to come up with some creative swear words. >.O
(We also did her favorite restaurant for lunch, which was fine. Followed by an outing to her favorite toy store. Which was like a living hell -- not because my daughter was bad or anything; she wasn't. But because I couldn't WAIT TO GET THE FRAK OUTTA THERE. This made me feel like a failure as a human being and did nothing to improve my headache or mood.)
Bleh.
Now, I've finally tucked her into bed -- after what feels like the longest frakkin' day in the history of EVER. And I know I rushed out of her room. No bedtime story. No joking around or talking about the day or deciding what kind of dreams she should have. Just a kiss, and "I love you", and "Sleep Well. Come get me if you need me." Because I just didn't have it in me to be nice any more. Or to listen any more. Or to think any more. I just wanted to be finished so that I could shower and go to bed and read a little. And, hopefully, go to sleep so that I can wake up tomorrow with no headache.
Geez. I am a bad person, aren't I? And a terrible mother. My daughter will likely get to tell all about this in therapy later on: "And when I was five, almost six, my mom tucked me into bed. And she couldn't get out of the room fast enough. Why? Did I smell?"
Double bleh.
And now I realize I still need to wash her swimsuit for water day at camp tomorrow. I just put it and the towel in the washer, and I'm sitting here at my desk wondering if I could master that whole Jedi Mind Trick thing enough to make the washer work through its cycle faster. Because, even though I know it makes me a pathetic individual and a bad person, I want to be fucking done for today. Particularly because I know I have to get up tomorrow and do the whole thing all over again. This is my punishment, isn't it? *sigh*
Triple bleh.
Now, off to shower, where, hopefully, the hot water won't have run out of control. Yesterday, I nearly scalded myself. Talk about incentive to come up with some creative swear words. >.O