Hmmmm ... Some Stuff ...

I wish I could think up some really witty title, but ... yeah. Not so much. So, here you have it: my boring, very non-descriptive title. Well, actually, I guess it's very descriptive, since I am writing about "stuff". Still, it is a boring title. GRAWR on my lack of creative thinking ability.

Speaking of creative thinking ... today is a writing day for me. One of those days in which I have nothing at all to do except write. And, I'm working on some original fiction, for a change, which is great. I think. I look forward to these writing days. I really do. I hardly ever have a big block of free time, let alone a whole, entire day. So, it's a huge treat. And, as always, there is nothing I would rather do with that time than write. Just sit down at the computer and write ... write ... write ... pour out all my thoughts and ideas onto the computer, and just have at it, so to speak. So ... why is it that I end up sitting here, just staring at a blank computer screen for what seems like hours. And the cursor. The blinking cursor of doom. It's like it's just mocking me. Blink ... blink ... blink ... Grrrrrr.

Ah well. The only thing to do is continue to forge ahead. Even if, at first, I don't like what I end up with ... at least I'll have something written down on the page ... er ... computer screen. Yeah. Well, you get the general idea. >< *sheepish grin*

The hubby and I are in New York at the moment. He's attending a meeting, and I came along for a bit of a "sanity break". Sanity is nice. I wish I had more of it, actually. But, you know -- sometimes, you just have to grab however much you can get ahold of.

I really love New York. This is only the second time I've visited here, but, somehow, I feel oddly at home. It boggles my mind. I mean, considering that I grew up in the country, and that I love that feeling of knowing there is no one around within miles ... well, you'd think I'd hate it here. There's no denying that people are nose to butthole in the truest sense of that expression. People everywhere. You have to stand in line for everything. The sidewalks are crowded, full of jostling elbows and grumbling pedestrians, all in a hurry to reach their destination of the moment, all involved in their own little lives and not paying a bit of attention to the person next to them or behind them or in front of them. You'd think it would be like a living hell to me, and, yet, somehow, I feel energized and alive here. Today, as I was walking back to my hotel, I almost got run over by a bike. Not a motorcycle. A bicycle. And, all I could think was: "Wow, I really love New York." What in the holy heck is wrong with me, anyhow? I mean, this is weird. So, so weird. *shrugs* Go figure.

Maybe I enjoy the hustle and bustle because I can feel like I'm a part of something. Like I'm a part of the world, even though I know, inside, I don't fit in anywhere. I mean, I've been feeling particularly lonely lately. One of my good, old-fashioned funks, I guess. I get those from time to time. Not sure if it's a factor of having a creative personality or what ... or, if I'm just moody as heck. Could be either one, really. I've always been this way. It comes and goes -- sometimes worse than at other times. I really hate it, though. That feeling of being disconnected and unimportant. Like I don't matter to anyone. Come to think of it, this could be why I have a hard time making and keeping friends. I mean ... I'm just not htat interesting, and then you throw the moody thing in on top of it. Heh. Not a good combo. *nervous laugh*

The thing is, when I'm feeling this way, it's kind of nice to be around large groups of people. Even though I often feel too shy, awkward, and insecure to actually interact with them, it's nice just to hear people talking around me, or feel them just existing in the same world as me.

Um ... OK ... I'm weird. *looks embarrassed*

Nevermind ...

*runs off to find a convenient hiding place