![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Nothing's Going On ...
Feb. 19th, 2004 09:51 pmSo, the end of another day ... finally. Really, I'm not all that sure what I want to write in here. I thought getting a live journal would be fun & a good way to collect my thoughts somewhat ... but, now that I'm faced with an empty blank ... I'm not so sure.
Maybe I don't really have thoughts to collect, after all -- ha, ha. Anyhow ...
So, what's going on in my life? Nothing, really, I guess. I mean, sometimes, it seems like nothing. I'm not working any more... I quit my job to move from Texas to Virginia so that I could be with my husband --- after we lived apart b/c of our jobs for almost 3 years. Anyhow, when I left Texas, I hadn't decided what to do with my life. I knew I didn't want to go back to my previous occupation --- I was good at it, I guess ... I made decent money doing it ... but, it wasn't something I felt "suited" for. When I used to go to work, I felt like I was pretending to be someone I wasn't ... perhaps that doesn't make any sense, but that's how I felt. And, it was exhausting.
Growing up, I always wanted to write ... to be a "writer" --- not something my parents encouraged, since they didn't see it as a "money-making" career. Anyhow, after doing some other things, and after leaving my "old" job, I decided, finally, to just take a stab at it. I mean, maybe I would fail miserably ... then, again, maybe not. But, how would I know unless I tried? Then ... the very week I moved to Virginia, I got pregnant. (Yes ... all jokes about "absence making the heart fonder" aside --- it is absolutely true ... and, weird, too, eh?)
So, five months ago, I became a mom for the first time. And, I guess my writing "career" / hopes/ whatever are kind of on hold for a while. Don't get me wrong --- I still write, but it's a struggle to find the time. Sometimes, I feel depressed about it ... and, I guess, that's why, sometimes, I feel like there's nothing going on in my life.
But, then ... my daughter will smile, or learn to make a new sound, or discover she has feet --- and, somehow, everything just seems OK. There's this little person here now who wasn't here five months ago, and she is amazing and scary and beautiful and wonderful all at the same time. Maybe I'll never manage to really "be" a writer ... but, I'm glad I'm a mom --- even if I sometimes feel frustrated or a little depressed about putting my life "on hold". Some things just won't wait, you know? Her first smile ... her first laugh ... the first time she learned to make "raspberries" ... her first bath --- all of that wouldn't wait for me. I'm glad I waited for it.
Maybe I don't really have thoughts to collect, after all -- ha, ha. Anyhow ...
So, what's going on in my life? Nothing, really, I guess. I mean, sometimes, it seems like nothing. I'm not working any more... I quit my job to move from Texas to Virginia so that I could be with my husband --- after we lived apart b/c of our jobs for almost 3 years. Anyhow, when I left Texas, I hadn't decided what to do with my life. I knew I didn't want to go back to my previous occupation --- I was good at it, I guess ... I made decent money doing it ... but, it wasn't something I felt "suited" for. When I used to go to work, I felt like I was pretending to be someone I wasn't ... perhaps that doesn't make any sense, but that's how I felt. And, it was exhausting.
Growing up, I always wanted to write ... to be a "writer" --- not something my parents encouraged, since they didn't see it as a "money-making" career. Anyhow, after doing some other things, and after leaving my "old" job, I decided, finally, to just take a stab at it. I mean, maybe I would fail miserably ... then, again, maybe not. But, how would I know unless I tried? Then ... the very week I moved to Virginia, I got pregnant. (Yes ... all jokes about "absence making the heart fonder" aside --- it is absolutely true ... and, weird, too, eh?)
So, five months ago, I became a mom for the first time. And, I guess my writing "career" / hopes/ whatever are kind of on hold for a while. Don't get me wrong --- I still write, but it's a struggle to find the time. Sometimes, I feel depressed about it ... and, I guess, that's why, sometimes, I feel like there's nothing going on in my life.
But, then ... my daughter will smile, or learn to make a new sound, or discover she has feet --- and, somehow, everything just seems OK. There's this little person here now who wasn't here five months ago, and she is amazing and scary and beautiful and wonderful all at the same time. Maybe I'll never manage to really "be" a writer ... but, I'm glad I'm a mom --- even if I sometimes feel frustrated or a little depressed about putting my life "on hold". Some things just won't wait, you know? Her first smile ... her first laugh ... the first time she learned to make "raspberries" ... her first bath --- all of that wouldn't wait for me. I'm glad I waited for it.
