STRESS!!!!

So, I didn't feel particularly stressed about stuff. I mean, I don't want to go to Texas for the holidays. And I have no choice in the matter. And I've had to put up with my mom's unhappy phone calls about it. And we had almost 2 feet of snow or something ... so digging out was no picnic. And the trip out of town means I've had to step up all my own Christmas stuff. And I still have to clean the house so the pet sitter won't think we live in squalor (even though we probably do ...). And I can't really clean the house because the rest of the stuff we cleaned out of the garage and were supposed to haul off for donating over the weekend is still sitting in my foyer (because of the snow). And we just got notified that we owe additional taxes because a couple of our deductions were unexpectedly "adjusted". (How come tax "adjustments" never work in my favor?) And I finally had a break through on a story that's been percolating in the back of my head for a couple of years now (yeah, sometimes it really does take that long >.O), but it comes at a time when I have NO time to work on it due to all my other obligations. I swear my muse hates me ... or has a serious torture fetish or something. o_O And on and on and on.

Even so, it all felt like my normal level of "stressed out" and nothing too different. After all, I deal with most of this pretty much every day of my life. Because I am a tensed-up bundle of nerves or something.

Except ...

Last night, I had a nice, long string of stress dreams. The one where I get a promotion at work, then show up for work the next day thinking it's 8 AM ... only to get there and find out it's really 5 PM, and I was AWOL from my job the whole day. I walk in past all my "friends", who snicker and make fun of me for being late -- all the while I am totally clueless as to what is going on. (Remember, I still think it's 8 AM.) Finally, someone tells me it's actually 5 PM, and asks where I've been all day. To which, of course, I have no answer. Cue another round of snickers from my co-workers -- all of whom seem to have assembled to watch me walk into the office. It's like running the gauntlet. I have to go meet with my bosses. And tell them that I thought it was 8 AM, not 5 PM. And they look at me like I'm a moron. Because, of course, I am a moron. Only a moron would do something as bone-headed as thinking 5 PM was really 8 AM. And then, fail to come up with a good excuse for it ... or even an inventive lie. And I know they think I'm stupid ... and are wondering WHY in the WORLD they chose to give me a promotion. But they say they will let it slide because I've always done everything right in the past. Even so, as I walk out of the big boss's office, I know they will be watching me. Waiting for me to screw up again. So they can fire me. And I walk back to my desk hearing the whispers of my co-workers around me, although I can't understand exactly what they are saying. And I sit down and wonder what I should do with myself, still feeling confused, wishing I could crawl under the desk and hide from all the stares, and, perversely, wondering if I could go ahead and go back home. After all, it is 5 PM. o_o

Lovely, lovely dream. It never fails to wake me up in a panic. And I got to live through it several times last night.

This morning, I am a bit grumpy and tired and, overall, unhappy. *grumble*