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Addiction
Addiction is an ugly thing. Yesterday, and the day before ... I ended the day with the mother of all headaches --- thanks to a combination of sinus + staring at my computer screen for waaaaay too long. And, yes, by the way ... writers' block still in residence ... hence, the long communion with the monitor gods. Anyhow ... after yesterday, I swore --- SWORE, mind you --- that I would not turn my computer on today.
And, so ... here I am. Sitting in front of the monitors, updating my live journal. I am so weak ... weak, weak, weak. Sigh ... addiction is an ugly thing. Yes ... an ugly, ugly thing.
It's not that I can't live without my computer. It's not that I HAVE to turn it on every day. Yeah, right. We all know that's exactly what it is. I love my computer --- I don't mean in that casual way we have of referring to inanimate objects: "Oh, that's so neat. I love that." No. I mean, I LOVE my computer. I hate going through even one day without turning it on. If I don't get to surf the Internet or write or make wallpaper or do some other computer-related task at least once during the day, I'm a total grump by the end of the evening. And, it gets worse. I actually have two computers: A desktop and a laptop. I suppose I shouldn't beat myself up too badly, though. My husband is actually worse than I am. He has three: a desktop and 2 laptops. I know it sounds ridiculous to have that many computers. But, I use my laptop a lot; it gives me the freedom to move around the house and write wherever my daughter is playing at the moment, as opposed to being "chained" to my desk in the office while I struggle with the muse. He only has two laptops because he had one already (has had it for a couple of years, actually), and he started traveling a lot ... so, he needed one that had a smaller screen & was lighter for carrying and using while in flight. Still --- that's a LOT of computers. I suppose I should be ashamed, but I'm not. I LOVE my computer --- the desktop & the laptop, both. A sure sign of addiction --- the lack of shame. Addiction is an ugly thing. Sigh ... Anyhow.
In other news ... I think I'm suffering from creative idea overload. Can that contribute to writers' block, do you think? I wonder ... I have a ton of ideas floating around in my head --- for new fics, as well as for a couple that I had discontinued & have now decided to finish out. Plus, I have some great (at least I think they are) wallpaper ideas. It's almost like I can't decide what to do with my paltry amount of free time, so I end up doing nothing --- pathetic. I hate it when I'm like this. It's just irritating. Makes me mad at myself, which just makes the writers' block worse.
I was struggling with an Orphen fic that I had written some time ago and recently decided to edit. "Edit" might be too kind of a word, though. After reading it through, I decided it was due for a major overhaul --- read: "rewrite". So, I started to do it, but it was such a massive struggle. I just couldn't get into the characters' minds, and all these other fic ideas kept bouncing around in my head -- original fiction ideas, too. So, yesterday, I just gave up on it and went to a Weiss fic I started but never finished. I had actually decided to leave it unfinished --- had written myself into quite a little hole, plot-wise. But, after reading what I had, I found that I wasn't totally repulsed by it --- always a good sign, eh? So, I decided to go ahead and finish it. I actually have a couple of ideas regarding how to dig out of the hole I wrote myself into ... so, I think working on it might break the standoff I have going with Muse. Hopefully. If not, given another couple of days of this and I'll be in the bitchiest mood ... EVER! For some reason, it's always easiest for me to get into the Weiss boys' minds ... don't know what that says about me --- maybe I should become a florist by day ... and, then, look for a suitable "night job" ... heh, heh, heh.
And, so ... here I am. Sitting in front of the monitors, updating my live journal. I am so weak ... weak, weak, weak. Sigh ... addiction is an ugly thing. Yes ... an ugly, ugly thing.
It's not that I can't live without my computer. It's not that I HAVE to turn it on every day. Yeah, right. We all know that's exactly what it is. I love my computer --- I don't mean in that casual way we have of referring to inanimate objects: "Oh, that's so neat. I love that." No. I mean, I LOVE my computer. I hate going through even one day without turning it on. If I don't get to surf the Internet or write or make wallpaper or do some other computer-related task at least once during the day, I'm a total grump by the end of the evening. And, it gets worse. I actually have two computers: A desktop and a laptop. I suppose I shouldn't beat myself up too badly, though. My husband is actually worse than I am. He has three: a desktop and 2 laptops. I know it sounds ridiculous to have that many computers. But, I use my laptop a lot; it gives me the freedom to move around the house and write wherever my daughter is playing at the moment, as opposed to being "chained" to my desk in the office while I struggle with the muse. He only has two laptops because he had one already (has had it for a couple of years, actually), and he started traveling a lot ... so, he needed one that had a smaller screen & was lighter for carrying and using while in flight. Still --- that's a LOT of computers. I suppose I should be ashamed, but I'm not. I LOVE my computer --- the desktop & the laptop, both. A sure sign of addiction --- the lack of shame. Addiction is an ugly thing. Sigh ... Anyhow.
In other news ... I think I'm suffering from creative idea overload. Can that contribute to writers' block, do you think? I wonder ... I have a ton of ideas floating around in my head --- for new fics, as well as for a couple that I had discontinued & have now decided to finish out. Plus, I have some great (at least I think they are) wallpaper ideas. It's almost like I can't decide what to do with my paltry amount of free time, so I end up doing nothing --- pathetic. I hate it when I'm like this. It's just irritating. Makes me mad at myself, which just makes the writers' block worse.
I was struggling with an Orphen fic that I had written some time ago and recently decided to edit. "Edit" might be too kind of a word, though. After reading it through, I decided it was due for a major overhaul --- read: "rewrite". So, I started to do it, but it was such a massive struggle. I just couldn't get into the characters' minds, and all these other fic ideas kept bouncing around in my head -- original fiction ideas, too. So, yesterday, I just gave up on it and went to a Weiss fic I started but never finished. I had actually decided to leave it unfinished --- had written myself into quite a little hole, plot-wise. But, after reading what I had, I found that I wasn't totally repulsed by it --- always a good sign, eh? So, I decided to go ahead and finish it. I actually have a couple of ideas regarding how to dig out of the hole I wrote myself into ... so, I think working on it might break the standoff I have going with Muse. Hopefully. If not, given another couple of days of this and I'll be in the bitchiest mood ... EVER! For some reason, it's always easiest for me to get into the Weiss boys' minds ... don't know what that says about me --- maybe I should become a florist by day ... and, then, look for a suitable "night job" ... heh, heh, heh.