Thanks for the well-wishes for my friend. I appreciate that so much. It seems the surgery went pretty well. She came through with no complications, and -- at least at this point -- they think the cancer had not spread, so they were able to get everything. She has a long recovery ahead of her, but hopefully there will at least be some positive news once all the testing is done.
Awww, thanks for the vote of confidence. I need it really badly. I feel like such a weenie, because I want desperately to do these things and to try new things ... but I often feel too afraid to give it a try. Or too much like I do not have the talent or ability or whatever to succeed. This kicks me in the arse with writing, too. If I could get my brain to shut up and just write, I think things would be great. But, my brain never shuts up with the doubts and the self-hatred.
I come from people who say "no" a lot. Pretty much, any dream I had as a kid or any scheme I mentioned or anything I said I wanted to try would be met with a "well, you know you won't succeed at it" ... or "you know it will never work" ... or "why do you want to change things around/try new things/etc? there's no point in it." ... and on and on and on. All differing forms of the word "no". Don't try. Don't do it. Don't bother. You won't succeed. At some point ... without even realizing it ... it becomes too hard to fight this any more. And you (meaning me) throw up your hands and say: "Fuck it. You're right. I'm a failure." And boom. There you are.
Anyhow ... sorry for the long comment. I am sensing there is probably a whole journal entry in here, somewhere. *nervous laugh*
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Awww, thanks for the vote of confidence. I need it really badly. I feel like such a weenie, because I want desperately to do these things and to try new things ... but I often feel too afraid to give it a try. Or too much like I do not have the talent or ability or whatever to succeed. This kicks me in the arse with writing, too. If I could get my brain to shut up and just write, I think things would be great. But, my brain never shuts up with the doubts and the self-hatred.
I come from people who say "no" a lot. Pretty much, any dream I had as a kid or any scheme I mentioned or anything I said I wanted to try would be met with a "well, you know you won't succeed at it" ... or "you know it will never work" ... or "why do you want to change things around/try new things/etc? there's no point in it." ... and on and on and on. All differing forms of the word "no". Don't try. Don't do it. Don't bother. You won't succeed. At some point ... without even realizing it ... it becomes too hard to fight this any more. And you (meaning me) throw up your hands and say: "Fuck it. You're right. I'm a failure." And boom. There you are.
Anyhow ... sorry for the long comment. I am sensing there is probably a whole journal entry in here, somewhere. *nervous laugh*