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More of the Same ...
Still nothing much going on in my life, writing-wise. It hurts me to type those words. At the same time, I feel I need to be honest with myself. I need to work through these different emotions and urges. Maybe it'll help me the next time a long-standing writer's block hits me.
The frustration is the hardest thing to manage. I feel so angry and frustrated and just ... well, "off". I can't think of a better way to describe it. It permeates every aspect of my life, although such a thing hardly seems possible. How can my writing -- or the lack thereof -- affect the way I approach the world at large? It's not relevant to my relationships with my daughter and husband, to my interaction with my friends, to the way I go about my daily life. It's a part of me, but not all of me.
Or is it?
Because, more and more, I've come to think writing is pretty much all there is for me. Nothing satisfies me the way it does. Nothing makes me happier. Nothing makes me feel more fulfilled. I feel like a turd for admitting that out loud, but it's true. I need to face up to it, and, in doing so, maybe the blocked times will lessen. Well, there's hope for it, anyhow. I think.
At the same time, it scares me to admit how important writing is for me. If I admit that it's "me" -- the main part of who and what I am -- I'm admitting a huge vulnerability in my life. What if the writing goes away? What if I wake up one day, and I have nothing left to say? What if the writer's block isn't just a block, but the beginning of the end? Then, there will be nothing left to me, will there?
The more I think about it ... the more these ideas and feelings chase each other around my brain, the more frustrated and keyed up I feel. I need to relax and just let go. If I can do that, maybe then the words will come. I already know I can't force things. I know that.
But it doesn't get any easier.
The frustration is the hardest thing to manage. I feel so angry and frustrated and just ... well, "off". I can't think of a better way to describe it. It permeates every aspect of my life, although such a thing hardly seems possible. How can my writing -- or the lack thereof -- affect the way I approach the world at large? It's not relevant to my relationships with my daughter and husband, to my interaction with my friends, to the way I go about my daily life. It's a part of me, but not all of me.
Or is it?
Because, more and more, I've come to think writing is pretty much all there is for me. Nothing satisfies me the way it does. Nothing makes me happier. Nothing makes me feel more fulfilled. I feel like a turd for admitting that out loud, but it's true. I need to face up to it, and, in doing so, maybe the blocked times will lessen. Well, there's hope for it, anyhow. I think.
At the same time, it scares me to admit how important writing is for me. If I admit that it's "me" -- the main part of who and what I am -- I'm admitting a huge vulnerability in my life. What if the writing goes away? What if I wake up one day, and I have nothing left to say? What if the writer's block isn't just a block, but the beginning of the end? Then, there will be nothing left to me, will there?
The more I think about it ... the more these ideas and feelings chase each other around my brain, the more frustrated and keyed up I feel. I need to relax and just let go. If I can do that, maybe then the words will come. I already know I can't force things. I know that.
But it doesn't get any easier.
no subject
My entire life, all the way back probably to the age of 4 or so I’ve defined myself by my creative outlets. I’ve always considered myself primarily an artist rather than a writer, but it’s in the same spirit (and writing is my secondary passion, I kind of group it together with art.) When something is that important to you, you don’t ‘lose it.’ Sure I’ve gone through months of not liking anything I make or draw, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still create things even if I’m not happy with them, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t eventually get out of the those spells and make things I’m happy with again. Getting into ruts is just part of the territory when it comes to anything creative.
I think the most important thing is that you have a passion. A lot of people don’t. You’ll be a more interesting person/better parent/friend for it. It’s setting a good example for your daughter too, to find something she loves doing and really stick with it.
I doubt you’ll ever ‘wake up one day and have nothing left to say’ but if something like that happens it just means you need to go out and create a new experience to inspire things to write about. Take your daughter on an unplanned trip, take a class on something you never did before, try catfish noodling XD. You get the idea.
(no subject)